The day I learned I'd got breast cancer and six months later

 At the clinic (from my diary)
It was hard to understand really.  You look at a picture and tell me I have cancer.  I suddenly want to be on my own and throw myself onto the floor and cry my eyes out, but I can’t.  You’re there, you see, telling me I have a rocky road ahead of me.  I want to scream – stop stop – I don’t want to know, please just make it go away.  But you cant, I know you are only trying to be helpful but I can’t take all this in at the moment.

 I try not to cry when I walk through the waiting room in front of all the others who are going in for their mammograms, there you go again always thinking of other peoples’ feelings.

I’m going to die I think, oh my gosh I am going to die, that’s all that is going round in my head.  I go to my grandmother’s graveside on the way home. Oh nan, I might be coming to join you but I’m not ready yet I say.  I miss you, even now I miss you, the kindest woman that you could ever wish to meet.  I remember your hugs and your roly poly puddings and spotted dick.  My you could cook!

Later......

Well  it was a rocky road, they weren’t kidding, but do you know what, they tell me they got all the cancer out and that with any luck with the radiotherapy and the pills I am taking it won't be coming back!!! I’m happy to be alive, be in my garden looking at the sky and the birds and thanking God for my wonderful life.